Is Trying To Get Laid Worth Not Jacking Off For 20 Minutes?

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We’ve all been there. You’ve got your nicest fedora on, you’ve successfully peeled the petrified beef jerky off your sweater, and now you’re ready to paint the town red with your handsomest ferret by your side. But is it worth it?

Definitely not! At this point your skin is grafted to the back of your chair, and your brain is so burnt out on porn that you wouldn’t get an erection if you got an IV of viagra jammed directly into your prostate.

Don’t worry about it! Plenty of people have lived meaningful lives without leaving the confines of a single room! What about Anne Frank? She was pretty cool, and she couldn’t even see or hear!

Besides, going outside and speaking to an actual human would risk rejection, a thought now so terrifying to you that it causes your video game-induced epilepsy to kick into high gear and knock you stone cold unconscious. So sit back, have another Slim Jim, and enjoy another lovely night at home. After all, none of them compare to your Fleshlight anyway. ♫

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