Jennifer Lopez Dusts Fresno With Ricin Gas In Backlash Over Poor Album Sales

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In a move her advisors called “justified retribution,” Jennifer Lopez flew over the city of Fresno, California in her Cessna C150 and released paralyzing ricin gas upon the citizens of the area in response to reportedly poor local album sales numbers.

Local sources were horrified and mostly unconscious. Universal Music Group, upon further inspection, revealed that a clerical error was responsible for the misunderstanding and, in fact, Fresno had very comparable sales numbers to similar areas. Still, Lopez insists that the chemical attack was justified, saying “[***] those [***] [***].”

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