As the last drops of her fame drained out through a syndicated late night E! retrospective, Jessica Simpson vaporized into the atmosphere and ceased to exist altogether early Friday morning.
Evidence of her once-confirmed existence was hard to find. Former boyfriend Nick Lachey of the boy band 98 Degrees recalled knowing someone named Jessica at some point in his life, but details were unclear.
“Yeah, I remember her, I think. She was like, a talk show host, right?” he asked, eventually confusing her with recently passed TV icon Joan Rivers.
Even wikipedia failed to recall information about Simpson’s life, with the only entry under her name reading simply “that girl Tony Romo dated.”