We’ve all been there. You’re 92, and life is a breeze. You barely have to pee through a tube, and your bones aren’t yet completely made of dust. But suddenly you’re 150, and BOOM! It’s like, party?! No thanks! I think I’ll have an injection of oxygen and relax into my chamber of rejuvenating stem cell ooze. Here are our top ten differences between your 90s, and your 150s:
1. Whisky and Vodka? No thanks! I’ll have another pint of baby blood, please!
2. Parties? I don’t think so! Let’s hibernate for a few more months before attempting to use our own lungs, thanks very much!
3. Work hard, play hard? More like, lay perfectly still so as to not shake all the flesh loose from my body!
4. TGIF? More like, TGIATSUWPO–Thank God I’m Able To Stand Up Without Passing Out!
5. Goodbye, friends! Hello, tombmates!
6. Solid Food? I don’t think so! From here on out, I’ll have intravenous food only
7. Full lists? Naw-uh! You don’t have the energy for that. You’re almost 200 years old, for fuck’s sake! ♫