Taylor Swift Continues Merciless Pursuit of Pop Chart Domination, Assassinates Katy Perry, Ariana Grande

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Staying true to her promise to become the unrivaled best-selling pop artist in the world, Taylor Swift eliminated two more of her foes yesterday in a brutal double-assassination that left her fans absolutely thrilled.

Katy Perry, 27, and Ariana Grande, 23, were the latest victims in Swift’s clinical rampage, as they were no match for the pop-country sensation’s fast-growing reconnaissance prowess. Perry died of radiation poisoning as a result of a long, sustained espionage attempt on behalf of Swift’s management as Grande died of a far more traditional fork in the back outside a Miami hotel Wednesday morning.

“The blood of my enemies shall mark the course of my domination,” says Swift in an exclusive Music Website.website interview. The 24 year-old singer is on a roll this year, with her album “1989” topping both online and physical across the U.S., and a sold out tour scheduled for this summer.

Her only true obstacle? Access to sufficient firepower and enriched nuclear material. According to her manager, “there’s nothing this girl can’t do. The sky’s the limit.” ♫

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